Trump's Second Term - The Golden Age Of Integrity
We are, without a doubt, living through a golden era of leadership. It has been approximately 90 days since the Supreme Leader’s reinauguration. In the first few months of Donald J. Trump’s second term, the nation has been blessed with an abundance of innovation—especially in the art of turning public office into personal opportunity. Who needs boring old ethics when you can have meme coins, Mar-a-Lago dinners, and armored Teslas?
Innovation #1: Government Meets Grift (Again, But Bigger)
They said it couldn’t be done again. They were wrong. This administration has managed to outdo itself in merging personal business with public policy. Remember the old-fashioned idea of divesting from one’s company while holding office? That’s so 2016. Instead, we now have meme coins ($TRUMP), a media company where investors can buy influence by the share, and—let’s not forget—the potential repurchase of the infamous D.C. hotel, presumably because nothing screams “drain the swamp” like reopening the bar for lobbyists.
Innovation #2: The Billionaire Bestie Bonus Plan
Enter Elon Musk, renaissance man and apparent honorary cabinet member. Whether it’s getting DOJ cases dropped, selling $400 million worth of armored Teslas to the State Department, or ensuring the NLRB loses interest in labor complaints, Musk seems to have found the cheat code to federal government benefits. If only every American had such access.
Innovation #3: Agencies as Accessories
Who knew that regulatory agencies could double as personal assistants? The DOJ, NLRB, CFPB, and FDA have all reportedly taken up new roles—less “protect the public” and more “protect the president and his pals.” Firing inspectors general, pausing anti-bribery laws, and canceling vaccine advisory meetings? Just a day’s work in the land of limitless flexibility.
Innovation #4: Democracy-as-a-Service (Subscription Plans Available)
Feeling left out? Worry not. For the right price—say, $1 to $5 million—you too can enjoy dinner with the president at Mar-a-Lago. That’s right: influence is no longer just for the politically connected. Now, it’s available to anyone with a checkbook and a strong stomach.
Innovation #5: Ethical Minimalism
Ethics, as it turns out, are highly overrated. Why uphold boring norms when you can simply overwhelm the public with such an avalanche of scandals that they all blur into a comforting, background hum? As Senator Murphy helpfully put it, “Democracies die when the powerful steal from us so regularly... we come to believe it’s normal.” Fortunately, we’re way past that threshold—we’re now beta-testing a new political philosophy: Corruption Fatigue Governance.
Let’s Not Forget the Merchandise
Because what’s a presidency without merch? MAGA hats in the Oval Office, Trump-themed cryptocurrency, and officials hawking branded items like it’s a presidential QVC channel. Somewhere, James Madison is spinning fast enough to power the eastern seaboard.
